The experience of being harmed by one's own family creates a profound isolation that few outside it can comprehend, according to a survivor who spent decades navigating systemic abuse before choosing to walk away. For those raised where physical and emotional mistreatment was normalized, survival becomes a daily labor, with personal dreams often viewed as threats by relatives. The author describes growing up in a volatile atmosphere where speaking up led to punishment and core beliefs were consistently dismissed.
A particularly dangerous mentality, especially within some cultural and religious communities, is the notion that "family is everything" regardless of the personal cost. This belief can trap individuals in cycles of cruelty under the guise of biological obligation. The author recounts decades of attempting to bridge gaps, providing financial support and assistance to family members who showed contempt, only to be valued transactionally—as a source of money, legal advice, or other needs—rather than as a human deserving of love. Even professional achievements, like passing the Bar Exam on the first attempt without a prep course shortly after a physical assault by relatives, occurred despite the environment, not because of it.
Toxic family dynamics often employ psychological warfare such as gaslighting, which distorts reality and can push even peace-loving individuals to react in ways that abusers then use to label them as the problem. This focus on reactive abuse ignores the years of mistreatment that led to such responses. Remaining in these relationships can make self-love nearly impossible, as accepting abuse trains the brain to view mistreatment as a standard for connection. This trauma risks spilling into other relationships, with individuals subconsciously seeking partners who replicate familiar chaos, a cycle that must be broken by choosing to leave.
Breaking free is often hindered by "hoovering," where cut contact is followed by attempts to lure the survivor back with false promises of change. The author notes that leaving earlier could have spared decades of trauma. Interestingly, witnessing hypocrisy among those who identified as Christian but acted with malice contributed to a shift from organized religion toward a personal spirituality. The realization that some people are incapable of healthy connection, due to unhealed trauma or character limitations, underscores the necessity of distance to protect one's well-being.
Today, the author emphasizes the right to leave abusive situations, defining self-love as a boundary where peace is non-negotiable. By walking away and building a chosen family of supportive individuals, the author has found happiness and the ability to contribute positively, such as through involvement with No Girl Left Behind, which focuses on aiding women facing domestic violence and instilling self-esteem in young girls. This reclamation of life prioritizes personal peace over destructive traditions, affirming that everyone deserves an environment free from marginalization and invalidation.
